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Woman With A Plan - Issue #15

“In youth, it was a way I had,To do my best to please.And change, with every passing ladTo suit his t

Woman With A Plan

January 19 · Issue #15 · View online
Weekly thoughts, ideas, and information from one woman to another.

“In youth, it was a way I had,
To do my best to please.
And change, with every passing lad
To suit his theories.
But now I know the things I know
And do the things I do,
And if you do not like me so,
To hell, my love, with you.” 
Dorothy Parker

Yes Means Yes
As you may have read this week, Aziz Ansari does not make a good impression on a first date. The anonymous account of one woman’s sexual encounter with the comedian has incited a huge debate, from those who feel it exploits the #metoo movement to those who call it a crucial component of the full conversation. I tend to fall into the latter category, identifying with statements like this one from The Cut
The response to both “Cat Person” and the Ansari story finds the #MeToo conversation changing and flowering in a new direction: one in which women are eager to discuss and change expectations around sexual manners more generally, not just to litigate right and wrong. 
We are witnessing an unprecedented upheaval in our sexual politics and personally, I don’t want it to end until ALL facets are examined.
On a related topic, my husband (a lawyer) and I were recently discussing the legal definition of rape. Here in Washington state, it is defined by lack of consent expressed by the victim’s words or conduct. In other words, sex is not rape unless one participant voices an objection. This implies men are entitled to engage sexually until they are told to stop - a task which often grows more difficult the further a sexual encounter continues, as Cat Person and allegations against Aziz Ansari illustrate. There are rumors of proposed legislation to change the wording of this definition to lack of consent, period. A similar bill was enacted among California State educational institutions in 2014. If this were the case, lawful sex would begin with affirmative consent; ideally an enthusiastic and continuous sentiment among both participants. When I think back to sex ed in school, I don’t remember anything in the curriculum about forging an agreement with my sexual partner. I’m pretty sure the topic of consent was reduced to no means no. While that’s a good rule of thumb, imagine the impact if every teenager was taught they must ask to engage in sexual activity from the start. How many of us could have avoided regretful encounters if our partner had stopped to say, “Do you really want to do this?”
Q Train by Nigel Van Wieck
Media Diet
Smart move by Mark Wahlberg to donate his entire $1.5 million reshoot salary to Times Up after it came to light that co-star Michelle Williams was paid $80 a day for her work. Though to Aidy Bryant’s point, it would be great if it didn’t take a week of public shaming to do the right thing. Kudos to other actors taking similar steps, but perhaps don’t make a movie with Woody Allen in the first place? #makegoodchoices
I was sad to see last Sunday’s NY Times cover article detailing multiple allegations of sexual misconduct against legendary photographers Bruce Weber and Mario Testino. 15 male models have described a decades-long pattern of exploitation. Vogue editor Anna Wintour issued a bold statement in response, putting the magazine’s relationship with the photographers on hold for the foreseeable future. Reminds me of Claire Dederer’s recent piece for the Paris Review, What Do We Do With the Art of Monstrous Men? (and correlating NPR interview). Long story short: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Speaking of Vogue, Serena Williams shares her struggles with becoming a new mom and her harrowing post-delivery ordeal in next month’s issue. Having a baby is no joke, even when you’re the world’s greatest athlete.
Girls rock! Check out this incredible - and terrifying - project by a group of 9th-grade students in Sweden. (Thanks to Nichelle for the link!)
Add Patrice Banks to my list of female heroes. Frustrated by one male auto mechanic after another, she went back to school and opened an all women’s car repair shop complete with an adjacent nail salon and blow dry bar - genius! Today, their mission is to offer women automotive buying and repair services based on trust, education, inclusion, and empowerment. Be sure to listen to her inspiring interview on Fresh Air.  🔧💪
Love me some Sharon Horgan, can’t wait to see what she has in store with Amazon Studios. Fingers crossed, it includes Rob Delaney.
This is absolutely heartbreaking. I applaud Simone Biles, Aly Raisman, and Chrissy Teigen among others for pressuring USA Gymnastics to do the right thing.
Are you as excited about the Winter Olympics as I am? (Welcome back Katie, BTW) Looking forward to watching Erin Jackson, the first African-American woman on the US Olympic speed skating team. Super cool fact: she was a roller derby skater and made the Olympic team after switching to ice four months ago!
As if I needed any more reason to love Sarah Silverman
If your Instagram is anything like mine, you woke up last Sunday to a feed filled with selfies compared to historical artworks thanks to Google’s arts & culture app. The results are fairly accurate, though not as impressive as these
Drowning Girl, Roy Lichtenstein 1964
Open Tabs
Target’s JoyLab line of activewear has been catching my eye lately, especially this floral bomber jacket (which looks much better in person).
Be sure to check out the winter sale over at INHABIT - 70% off super cozy cashmere. 
James Perse is also having a huge winter sale with 70% off high-quality basics. I also love this modern looking vest.
One of my favorite bloggers made a serious case for fanny packs this week and I’m into it. I’ll see your black and tan, and raise you a stylish camo.
Hot beauty brand Glossier released their first new item of the year, a chemical exfoliating solution. The results are impressive. I’m a fan of the cult classic Biologique Recherche P50, but this could be a less expensive alternative
It seems like everyone is getting on the natural deodorant bandwagon lately and I finally found a winner with Malin+Goetz, thanks to a recommendation from my boss. It smells great and works like a charm - highly recommended!
Are you marching this weekend? Last year’s parade was so inspiring, I’d love to recreate the feeling. For any Seattle locals, be sure to stop by Mort’s Cabin in Eastlake - he’s been handing out free fabric for volunteers to create hats and scarves. See you at Cal Anderson Park!
Have a Great Weekend.
Woman With A Plan is weekly newsletter by Sarah Richey, a Seattle-based working mom of three feminists in the making.
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